When was the last time you were wrong?
I was stunned. This whole time there has actually been a name for it. It's a "thing."
For years I have literally been taking stages and talking about my 20-year quest to become a partner at a law firm. About how I never asked myself if I liked what I was doing or if it was the best use of my strengths. About how I instead pushed through the blood, sweat, and tears while keeping my eye on the prize. About how I completely lost my identity in pursuing this dream turned goal. And about how when I did achieve it... I realized it wasn't what I actually wanted.
So, you know the rest: I left, after grappling with sadness, embarrassment, and frustration. I also worried my skill set wouldn't translate to success doing anything else. If you don't believe me, watch me describe most of this in less than 90 seconds here. Because I'm about to add the following on to these remarks from this point forward:
I was in "identity foreclosure." I had "tunnel vision" about my career based on "prematurely settling on a sense of self without due diligence." My mind was closed to any "alternate self" based on a decision I made in high school and stuck to, no matter what, in quest of achievement. In another part of this talk, I reveal that I wasn't wrong about myself, but I was wrong about how I was meant to stand before an audience and state my case: it was on a stage as a speaker, not in a courtroom as a litigator.
How did I figure this out? Adam Grant. When I read about identity foreclosure in his book Think Again a few days ago, my jaw dropped. I'm not exaggerating. He explains this phenomenon in a story that resonated a bit too much: Grant introduces the reader to his cousin, Ryan. Ryan had his sights set on becoming a neurosurgeon since he was in high school. Although Ryan was apparently interested in economics and medicine, he stuck with his original plan for 16 grueling years, continuing to double down on his commitment despite some nagging feelings. Ryan ended up quitting five years into his residency to cofound a health company and work with startups on improving health care.
Oof. That hit home.
Grant's recommendation to avoid identity foreclosure? Schedule career check-ups with yourself twice a year. Ask yourself tough questions and stay curious about other options while evaluating your strengths and aspirations. I fully recognize that I couldn't be a speaker if I didn't litigate first; surely, Ryan couldn't move into the healthcare space and do what he does now without all his time spent in medicine. But, what if I had realized it sooner? Would I have stayed? Would I have been on an emotional rollercoaster for years? We'll never know.
There is so much I can say about this book, so instead I'll just say, read it if you want to challenge your beliefs and assumptions to grow personally and professionally. It is going to turn your thinking upside in many ways, including about how to find and value joy in being wrong because it means you learned something new. I loved Grant's use of storytelling to dare us to re-think, including sharing stories of when he or other leaders were wrong -- and what happened in politics and science when people failed to question themselves. Indeed, the results can be catastrophic.
To sum it up in Grant's words: "knowledge is power, but knowing what we don't know is wisdom."
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