Big Hair, Don’t Care: From Insecurity to Self-Confidence

If you know me, you're probably chuckling at this title. If you don't know me, suffice it to say that I have a lot of curly hair. At the outset of my career, I worried about whether I would be taken seriously or look professional with such big, curly hair. But as I started working, I realized that what I was so insecure about was actually vital to my self-confidence. I needed to be “me” to be authentic, and in turn, confident.

“Suit” of Armor vs. a Costume

I started practicing law when I was 26 years old. It may sound crazy, but I didn’t have an issue with wearing suits every day (including pantyhose!). To be honest, it helped allay the imposter syndrome feelings I had as a young woman starting out. My suits were like armor. Looking like a lawyer helped me feel and think like a lawyer so I was happy to wear them.

I just worried too much about my hair. Should I straighten it? Wear it back in a knot? Was it ok to wear it down? Did it matter if I was working at the firm, meeting a client, or at one of my first court appearances? I worked really hard and feared I wouldn’t be taken seriously as a professional. And I didn’t think lawyers had big hair.

But I never changed it. I remembered how I felt when I wore a tight knot during moot court competitions in law school: I never felt like myself or recognized the girl in the mirror with the austere hair and dark suit. I felt more like I was wearing a costume and a wig. At the firm, I let the insecurity nag me for awhile, but then I just stopped worrying about it.

“The Girl With the Curly Hair”

There was no aha moment or incident. I slowly began to realize that the insecurity and self-doubt were exhausting. Not to mention kind of silly. I’ve always been “the girl with the curly hair.” Who’s to say that meant I couldn’t be both her and a professional? Looking back, I can’t believe I spent so much time fighting a part of my self-identity rather than embracing it for what it was. The choice to be authentic positively affected my confidence. Without the distraction of an insecurity, I did my work and attended client meetings, depositions, court, or other functions with the self-assurance I needed to speak up and to succeed. My performance spoke for itself.

Authenticity Equals Confidence

I don’t practice at a law firm anymore, but I’m glad I adopted a “big hair, don’t care” outlook. As I get older, I realize it’s synonymous with the self-confidence I need to let go of so many insecurities, from worrying about what others think to having the courage to change gears in my career to starting this blog and business. It’s not about hair, it’s about the connection between authenticity and confidence.

I learned to trust and believe in myself instead of worrying about what I am supposed to look like, act like, or do next. I still struggle with my own doubts and “second guesses” like anyone else, but they’re a lot easier to dismiss than when I was that 26-year-old new associate. Now I just square my shoulders and hold my curly-haired head high.