Hot girl summer
So apparently I have lymphedema. That's when you experience swelling because your lymphatic system gets clogged and fluid pools in an appendage. Since March, my left foot has been really swollen and the swelling has traveled up into my ankle and calf. And let's just say, it's objectively noticeable and obvious. How did this happen? No one really knows, but the suspicion is it's secondary to the ankle injury I had back in the fall (remember those damn boots?!), and despite wearing a compression sock on a long flight, everything seemed to worsen from there. <Sigh.>
If you know me personally, you know it's been quite a journey. I am in a lymphedema clinic and have seen improvement, but my left foot and leg definitely don't match my right side -- yet. I've maintained a positive outlook despite feeling frustrated and angry, but the time has come to share what's been on my mind. Here goes:
You can only control what you can control. I know, this one is obvious and is basically the Serenity Prayer. When I first got diagnosed, I needed to know WHY and HOW this happened, seemingly out of nowhere. I'm young-ish; I exercise; I eat well; I'm (thankfully) healthy. What could I do to solve this problem -- and quickly? It was hard to hear there is no clear cause -- and no easy button to fix it. Instead, I had to learn to accept the situation, fiercely advocate for myself with various physicians and therapists, and manage my outlook. Either I let the situation manage me or I manage the situation.
Get over yourself. My treatment involves wearing a stockinette up to my knee, three long bandages, two layers of foam padding, and individually wrapping my toes in gauze -- for 22 hours a day. Yeah, you read that right. As you might imagine, this makes it pretty difficult to wear a normal pair of shoes, never mind pants. I have one pair of sandals that about 85% of my foot fit into, so I mostly wear a black, velcro orthopedic shoe that is a legit rectangle. Admittedly, my first reaction was a cross between horror and embarrassment: It's summer! It's so hot! It's so obvious! I rejoiced at the fact that I work from home and could hide. After about two weeks, I learned to get over myself. I recently started going to the gym with all the bandages on and my orthopedic shoe. It is what it is. No one cares but me, so either I live life or sit home. The choice is clear.
Humor is everything. When the swelling first happened and I would haphazardly wear an Ace bandage, I joked to everyone that I was starting my "hot girl summer.” Because if you can't laugh, what's left? In a random encounter with a stranger who asked me what happened and if I'm ok (this happens a lot, so I really wish I had a MUCH better story than unexplained lymphedema!), I gave her the standard "hot girl summer" response, and she told me, "Girl, you need to Bedazzle that shoe! Own it!" It still cracks me up. Who knows, maybe a line of JMT orthopedic footwear is in my future?!
So there you have it, authenticity at its finest: vulnerability and honesty to keep it real. I share this story because I'm sure we all have some situation we are embarrassed by, can't change, and may need a healthy dose of laughter to handle. Such is life! If we all share a little about the cracks in our armor (or in my case, wrinkles in my bandages!), think of the impact we can have. I have a few more weeks of treatment left, so I'm curious to see what else I learn -- and I promise, you'll hear it here first!
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