“Just”: Say No
This blog was republished on the National Association of Female Executives website on February 24, 2020.
I’ve been writing a lot of emails over the last week to spread the word about a women’s leadership summit that I’m co-chairing next month. The emails contain personalized messages to each recipient and then explain the basics about the event.
It’s my habit to quickly scan each email before pressing “Send.” After all, spell check doesn’t pick up on some grammatical errors or other mistakes. Case in point: my unfortunate use of the word “just” when starting the email. Yikes.
Stop Apologizing
You know what I’m talking about. The email that basically says: “Hi Sally, I hope you’re well. I just wanted to see if you are interested in attending…” Or “Just touching base to let you know about….” or “I’m just writing to…” Does this sound familiar? The more I read this, the more it sounds like nails on a chalkboard.
Why is that one word so powerful in making the writer sound powerless?! It implies that the writer is coming from a position of weakness. It puts the writer on the defensive and makes them sound apologetic. Like, “I’m so sorry because this request is probably bothering you.” Or “Don’t mind little old me. I want to take a few minutes of your time and I’m really sorry about that!”
Even worse, it makes the request or underlying purpose of the email sound unimportant -- or that even the writer thinks it’s a nuisance. The email decoded might as well read, “I know I’m a pest for asking, but….” Now it’s easy for the recipient to ignore the request, too.
This is really a shame because in my example, I’m really proud of the upcoming summit and eager to spread the word. I quickly deleted “just” to stand firm in my request and exude professionalism. This was a great reminder in how every little word matters.
Delete the “Just”
Take a moment and re-read the original sentences without “just.” What do you think? They sound normal, right? Then why do we sometimes write them like this in the first instance? Why did I unconsciously add “just”?
Looking back, I realized I did it more often when writing to contacts that are “senior” to me. Or folks who said they’d get back to me but hadn’t yet. In any case, there is nothing inappropriate with simply stating: “Hi Sally, I hope you’re well. I wanted to see if you are interested in attending….” or “I write to follow-up on my email….”
I also suspect there is some sort of unconscious insecurity that makes us add “just.” I’ll address that more in future posts, but for now, I have to say – and not lightly – that I think this is one of those things that women tend to do more than men: basically, apologize for taking up time or space for no reason whatsoever. Ugh.
Let’s “Just” Help Each Other Out
So I challenge anyone reading this, regardless of gender identity or career status: “just” say no. Delete out those “justs” in your emails. Heck, take them out of your texts and oral communications, too. I bet that you won’t be able to “unsee” or “unhear” the unnecessary use of “just” any longer. And that’s a good thing. It’ll make it much easier to hit backspace or delete.
And if you receive an email or other request that “just” wants to ask you something, think about gently telling the writer or speaker to use more assertive language.
You just might make them more self-confident.
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