“No” is a complete sentence.
Feeling stressed lately? It seems like we all are. Spring has sprung and the world is opening back up (again), so there are a lot more demands on our time: new work arrangements to settle into and figure out; commuting; social engagements; after work commitments; kids' activities; travel; and... life. It's a lot!
So consider it a public service announcement or a gentle reminder. Heck, file it under a wellness tip: "No" is a complete sentence. It's ok to say no -- and it's ok to say no without any explanation. Ugh, I know! We often "feel bad" or don't want to "sound rude." I get it. I'm a perfectionist, which is also code for "people pleaser." I know it's easy to fall into the trap of feeling guilty or overexplaining.
But guess what I've learned? There's no need to feel bad. "No" works on its own. "Are you going to the school play on Friday night?" "No. Are you?" It works! And I promise, you don't sound like a jerk either. But... if using "no" as a complete sentence doesn't work for you, here are some other perfectly acceptable "No" responses to try on for size, as applicable:
"No, unfortunately I can't."
"No, I don't have the bandwidth right now."
"Thank you so much for asking me, but I can't make it."
"I really appreciate you thinking of me, but I can't take this on."
"I can't attend this time, but please consider me in the future."
"That sounds like a great event, but I'm not able to make it."
"Thanks for asking, but I have a conflict."
"No, I have a prior engagement at that time."
What about when you're tempted to provide a substantive explanation? I'd ask myself, "Who is my audience? Do they need an explanation?" If so, I'd keep it as short and sweet as possible. It goes without saying that honesty is key. (Honesty, of course, is synonymous with authenticity.) Remember that the response: "I would go, but I've been really looking forward to going to hot yoga at that same time" is just as honest as "I would love to go, but I have a prior commitment." Voila!
You may be wondering about the work-related "no." Eek! I recognize (from experience!) that sometimes it's really difficult, if not impossible, to say "no" or "No, I don't have the bandwidth." However, I'm a fan of honesty here too. Some of the best advice I ever received was to ask for "prioritization" help. Something like, "I'd love to take on this project, but I'm worried I don't have the bandwidth. Can you help me prioritize the various assignments on my plate that are competing for my time?" It doesn't always work, but is always worth a shot.
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